iFun Auto-Incorrect

do as iSay, not as iPhone do.

so i have an iPhone. i call it miPhone. because it's mine. i should really call it a little bastard because the auto-correct feature is the supreme ruler of The Land of Obscure Words that i, and likely a vast majority of the population, would never type (on a phone--or elsewhere, for that matter).

below are some examples of words that i want to have appear on my screen, juxtaposed with the actual words i, invariably, don't notice are there until after i hit send.

below you'll find only limited examples, as i only recently started documenting them. so these are merely the tip of the iCeburg.

by all means, feel free to add your own experiences! i encourage it, even! (apparently emphatically so !!!!!!)

format: desired words = dumbass iPhone interpretation. ...followed by subsequent commentage.

don't even = font ben... i tend to write in font new times roman. what is this font tho, cambria? i don't even know if there is a font ben. or should i say, "i font ben know if there is a font ben."

that's = Rhys ... there's another thing i don't know... W, or who, TF is Rhys? apparently Rhys and Steve Jobs must be very tight because Mr. Jobs must think everyone is talking about Rhys. That is (aka that's) to say...actually i forgot what that was going to say... i just thought i'd make the point that i'm waaaay more likely to marry that + is in holy grammatrimony than i am to reference a person i've never heard of (i looked it up. now i feel under-educated and under-read.) i am also waaay more likely to make up super-awesome words and use them in new and fun ways. the only word i know that would be close to that is "Reye's". and i actually might use that more than the average person because i'm a medical geek. and it's a syndrome.

and while writing that last blurb, i realized i am now torn about my vehement opposition to using capital letters at appropriate, or even inappropriate, times. ok, maybe it's not vehement opposition; it's just laziness. what do you think? do capital letters land better on your eyeballs? (and quickly onto your retina, where it's sucked thru your optic nerve and onto, and into, your brain) oh god, my whole world is shattering. Please give me direction. As a sidebar, i won't take direction on my placement of the period outside of the quotation marks (as seen in "Reye's".) if i'm not mistaken, that would be correct in britainland. and that's english as english can be. so it works for me. so does rhyming. unless i'm using the words silver, purple, orange, or month. then rhyming doesn't really work for me.

moving on...

says = Dayaks ... ok, there again, I don't even know W, or who, TF that is. i'm beginning to feel like an illiterate member of the english-speaking world, with a gaspingly substandard grasp of kindergarten vocabulary. and i'm beginning to think apple hired anthropologists as programmers. on the upside, if i can spare the time or memory (human, not computer), these little annoyances may make me a bit more worldly. perhaps it's apple's pretentious little plot.

remembered = renegades ...if you know me, or even if you don't, i'm telling you now... i have a HORRIBLE memory. and i'm not involved with any guerilla warfare or coups, that i know of or that i can remember. you do the math on that usage.

october = lilting ...it's october. and although i do love accents, IT'S OCTOBER! (at the time of this post)

that = thy ...methinks some shakespearian shit of bull shall henceforth follow. wherefore? because i decree *flourish* (trumpet and otherwise)

forgot = Dorothy ...i don't think i've ever typed "dorothy" on miPhone, unless I'm a gay man in a dissociative state. oh wait...maybe that explains it... i'm actually a really gay, pretentious, worldly, well-read anthropologist (with a sub-specialty in linguistics) who is plotting to take over the world.

so all of those are actually now justified, with the exception of....

Vollege = village ...What's vollege you ask? A typo of college. But instead of miPhone realizing that just changing one letter---the one right next to it-- it would like to change 2 others. and because I don't have stumpy snausage fingers, I won't ever hit E and mean A.

to end on a positive note, one thing i'm glad that apple fixed in an update... it would previously auto-correct lol to LOL. and rarely do i think something is that funny. (except everything i have, or will ever, say)

<3 jennifer

(just to be clear... that's an ice cream cone, not a heart...or i guess it could be a fat-ass naked person bending over--with his/her feet together, obviously. but it's an ice cream cone...of which, if i eat many and take off my clothes and bend over to pick up some ice cream that probably fell off my cone from the forceful consumption of said cone, i guess it could then be me. but it's not. it's an ice cream cone.)

the end (for now)