Mother Nature: That Bitch is Crazy!

The Free Range Females present facts about funny food...

Sex. Trauma.

Hopefully this hasn't happened to you.  Please note, don't watch this with your children...unless you want to have the sex talk.

What Kids REALLY Need for School

a spoof of back-to-school commercials.  get ta shoppin'!

Wack in a good way!

We need to get out more!

Libraries are now offering what?!

Shampoosy!

Do you need this amazing new product? You just might...

Which Witch?

confusion among witches...

Happy VD!

Happy VD! Valentine's Day, I mean.  Not venereal disease.  Though the two just may go hand-in-hand. Coincidence? I think not.

Another improbable coincidence...Dunkin Donuts has deemed this month "Chocolate Lover's Month."  Um, don't they know it's already Black History Month?

But back to VD ...  We got a box of the oddest candy hearts. they are NOT the freaky, novelty kind. they're the regular kind, like kids get.  but i kinda think some of these might be the candies pedophiles have when they say, "hey kid, want some candy?"

 Maybe you can help us with the interpretations, cuz the Free Range Females are kind of at a loss...

stripper heel (after the pimp beat her with it)? 

intercourse picture guide?

From period, with love?

I heart afterbirth?

Sorry honey, not tonight...?

i'm sure this is supposed to say "hey babe," but upon a quick glance, one might also read

 "hey rape" or "hey barf"

and for another mixed-message morsel: 

does this mean we're breaking up?? 

and finally... i don't think any message here is mixed.  this candy puts the D in Valentine's Day:

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!

The Real Rules of the Road

This is Elana's license photo:

This is mine:

i tried to do something fun.  like 2 or 3 times, actually.  Mr. DMV wasn't havin' it. so i went the mugshot route.  in retrospect, maybe it wasn't the best idea because when i get carded, i always feel the need to tell people, "the picture is a joke; i'm not really that bitchy." or something to that effect...

But I've realized it's a pretty good visual for how we feel about driving in general.  

Below, we've complied some examples of what signs and signals really mean in the driving world.

actually we find that people floor it whether or not the blinkee is an asshole. i think it's an automatic reflex...

Another automatic reflex phenomenon...

And remember... always, always, always give the courtesy wave! you know....the thank you acknowledgement of roadway niceties...or you may find yourself receiving the other roadway wave. (which can include one of many single- or multi-fingered gestures)

A Good Cause

Support our friend's charity :)

http://donthateonhaiti.org/

How This Contest Stole Our Lives

In short, we entered a contest that had a cash prize.  We won!  Then we got accused of cheating.  So we made a video of our experience.  It's pretty accurate.

The Physics of Underwear.

A simple equation for maximum sexiness!

You, too, can make your ratty, old granny panties into hot, sexy thongs! 

Just apply some simple math:

i heart pi(e)

Ethnically Ambiguous Holiday Pun

The Evolution of the Holidays

(dot dot dot)

And such is the nature of perversion and abbreviation in language that we end up with Christmas.

(dot dot dot)

Chanukah

(dot dot dot)

Kwanzaa

Meppy Christmahanukwanzakah!

Hunting Explained. Kinda.

Happy Thankstaking!

We're not vegan.  We're not even vegetarian.  But this is how we imagine them to celebrate Thanksgiving:

We're thankful for love, laughter, and all that crap.  ...and that some Indians survived the massacre.  

Now sit down, and elbow your way to some pie!

Hello-weenie Costumes

Whilst rummaging about the post-halloween sale bins, I came across a couple of costumes.  The pictures immediately caught my attention, as the models seemed very...let's say proud... to be representing this legendary figure.  The overwhelming sense of happiness and joy emanating from these pictures inspired me to create an interaction between these two figures, whom I've named Darth Heeeyder and Darth Gayder:



a note for the observant: yes, there's a note to see more at FreeRangeFemales.blogspot.com.  which you are obviously doing.  i think it's just easier to embed from youtube because you can double click the vid here to get to our channel.

Also, I cropped the photos for the video, but as you can see from the original below...  market research must've shown that the best way to sell Darth Vader costumes is to subliminally relate them  to Mary Poppins' Victorian England.  Sorry I don't have a better pic of it; I didn't realize it until I got home, but look closely at the bottom edge of the pic:

SUPERCALIFRAGILISTIC, BETCH!

So boredom aka sober doom

i promise you we are NOT under the influence of anything.  except funny.  we are heavily influenced by that ;)

and maybe boredom.  but not even really that.  because we were doing other activities.  sometimes we just do stuff like this.  luckily, i had a flip cam handy :)  we were trying to perfect the art of the slightly crazy lazy (eye).  so we figured we'd take a couple pix; this is what happened when elana saw the result:





and these are some of the still images :)

Marketing is for Suckers.

How many times has this happened to you?

Oh man, this is exactly the look I'm going for!!

(dot dot dot)

awesome.