a spoof of back-to-school commercials. get ta shoppin'!
Friday, September 23, 2011
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Friday, July 8, 2011
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Monday, February 14, 2011
Happy VD!
Happy VD! Valentine's Day, I mean. Not venereal disease. Though the two just may go hand-in-hand. Coincidence? I think not.
Another improbable coincidence...Dunkin Donuts has deemed this month "Chocolate Lover's Month." Um, don't they know it's already Black History Month?
But back to VD ... We got a box of the oddest candy hearts. they are NOT the freaky, novelty kind. they're the regular kind, like kids get. but i kinda think some of these might be the candies pedophiles have when they say, "hey kid, want some candy?"
Maybe you can help us with the interpretations, cuz the Free Range Females are kind of at a loss...
Another improbable coincidence...Dunkin Donuts has deemed this month "Chocolate Lover's Month." Um, don't they know it's already Black History Month?
But back to VD ... We got a box of the oddest candy hearts. they are NOT the freaky, novelty kind. they're the regular kind, like kids get. but i kinda think some of these might be the candies pedophiles have when they say, "hey kid, want some candy?"
Maybe you can help us with the interpretations, cuz the Free Range Females are kind of at a loss...
stripper heel (after the pimp beat her with it)?
intercourse picture guide?
From period, with love?
I heart afterbirth?
Sorry honey, not tonight...?
i'm sure this is supposed to say "hey babe," but upon a quick glance, one might also read
"hey rape" or "hey barf"
and for another mixed-message morsel:
does this mean we're breaking up??
and finally... i don't think any message here is mixed. this candy puts the D in Valentine's Day:
HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!
Sunday, February 13, 2011
The Real Rules of the Road
This is Elana's license photo:
This is mine:
i tried to do something fun. like 2 or 3 times, actually. Mr. DMV wasn't havin' it. so i went the mugshot route. in retrospect, maybe it wasn't the best idea because when i get carded, i always feel the need to tell people, "the picture is a joke; i'm not really that bitchy." or something to that effect...
But I've realized it's a pretty good visual for how we feel about driving in general.
Below, we've complied some examples of what signs and signals really mean in the driving world.
actually we find that people floor it whether or not the blinkee is an asshole. i think it's an automatic reflex...
Another automatic reflex phenomenon...
And remember... always, always, always give the courtesy wave! you know....the thank you acknowledgement of roadway niceties...or you may find yourself receiving the other roadway wave. (which can include one of many single- or multi-fingered gestures)
Friday, January 7, 2011
How This Contest Stole Our Lives
In short, we entered a contest that had a cash prize. We won! Then we got accused of cheating. So we made a video of our experience. It's pretty accurate.
Monday, December 27, 2010
The Physics of Underwear.
A simple equation for maximum sexiness!
You, too, can make your ratty, old granny panties into hot, sexy thongs!
Just apply some simple math:
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Friday, December 24, 2010
Thursday, December 23, 2010
The Evolution of the Holidays
(dot dot dot)
And such is the nature of perversion and abbreviation in language that we end up with Christmas.
(dot dot dot)
Chanukah
(dot dot dot)
Kwanzaa
Meppy Christmahanukwanzakah!
Monday, December 6, 2010
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Happy Thankstaking!
We're not vegan. We're not even vegetarian. But this is how we imagine them to celebrate Thanksgiving:
We're thankful for love, laughter, and all that crap. ...and that some Indians survived the massacre.
Now sit down, and elbow your way to some pie!
Friday, November 19, 2010
Hello-weenie Costumes
Whilst rummaging about the post-halloween sale bins, I came across a couple of costumes. The pictures immediately caught my attention, as the models seemed very...let's say proud... to be representing this legendary figure. The overwhelming sense of happiness and joy emanating from these pictures inspired me to create an interaction between these two figures, whom I've named Darth Heeeyder and Darth Gayder:
a note for the observant: yes, there's a note to see more at FreeRangeFemales.blogspot.com. which you are obviously doing. i think it's just easier to embed from youtube because you can double click the vid here to get to our channel.
Also, I cropped the photos for the video, but as you can see from the original below... market research must've shown that the best way to sell Darth Vader costumes is to subliminally relate them to Mary Poppins' Victorian England. Sorry I don't have a better pic of it; I didn't realize it until I got home, but look closely at the bottom edge of the pic:
SUPERCALIFRAGILISTIC, BETCH!
a note for the observant: yes, there's a note to see more at FreeRangeFemales.blogspot.com. which you are obviously doing. i think it's just easier to embed from youtube because you can double click the vid here to get to our channel.
Also, I cropped the photos for the video, but as you can see from the original below... market research must've shown that the best way to sell Darth Vader costumes is to subliminally relate them to Mary Poppins' Victorian England. Sorry I don't have a better pic of it; I didn't realize it until I got home, but look closely at the bottom edge of the pic:
SUPERCALIFRAGILISTIC, BETCH!
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
So boredom aka sober doom
i promise you we are NOT under the influence of anything. except funny. we are heavily influenced by that ;)
and maybe boredom. but not even really that. because we were doing other activities. sometimes we just do stuff like this. luckily, i had a flip cam handy :) we were trying to perfect the art of the slightly crazy lazy (eye). so we figured we'd take a couple pix; this is what happened when elana saw the result:
and these are some of the still images :)
and maybe boredom. but not even really that. because we were doing other activities. sometimes we just do stuff like this. luckily, i had a flip cam handy :) we were trying to perfect the art of the slightly crazy lazy (eye). so we figured we'd take a couple pix; this is what happened when elana saw the result:
and these are some of the still images :)
Monday, November 1, 2010
Marketing is for Suckers.
How many times has this happened to you?
Oh man, this is exactly the look I'm going for!!
(dot dot dot)
awesome.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
iFun Auto-Incorrect
do as iSay, not as iPhone do.
so i have an iPhone. i call it miPhone. because it's mine. i should really call it a little bastard because the auto-correct feature is the supreme ruler of The Land of Obscure Words that i, and likely a vast majority of the population, would never type (on a phone--or elsewhere, for that matter).
below are some examples of words that i want to have appear on my screen, juxtaposed with the actual words i, invariably, don't notice are there until after i hit send.
below you'll find only limited examples, as i only recently started documenting them. so these are merely the tip of the iCeburg.
by all means, feel free to add your own experiences! i encourage it, even! (apparently emphatically so !!!!!!)
format: desired words = dumbass iPhone interpretation. ...followed by subsequent commentage.
don't even = font ben... i tend to write in font new times roman. what is this font tho, cambria? i don't even know if there is a font ben. or should i say, "i font ben know if there is a font ben."
that's = Rhys ... there's another thing i don't know... W, or who, TF is Rhys? apparently Rhys and Steve Jobs must be very tight because Mr. Jobs must think everyone is talking about Rhys. That is (aka that's) to say...actually i forgot what that was going to say... i just thought i'd make the point that i'm waaaay more likely to marry that + is in holy grammatrimony than i am to reference a person i've never heard of (i looked it up. now i feel under-educated and under-read.) i am also waaay more likely to make up super-awesome words and use them in new and fun ways. the only word i know that would be close to that is "Reye's". and i actually might use that more than the average person because i'm a medical geek. and it's a syndrome.
and while writing that last blurb, i realized i am now torn about my vehement opposition to using capital letters at appropriate, or even inappropriate, times. ok, maybe it's not vehement opposition; it's just laziness. what do you think? do capital letters land better on your eyeballs? (and quickly onto your retina, where it's sucked thru your optic nerve and onto, and into, your brain) oh god, my whole world is shattering. Please give me direction. As a sidebar, i won't take direction on my placement of the period outside of the quotation marks (as seen in "Reye's".) if i'm not mistaken, that would be correct in britainland. and that's english as english can be. so it works for me. so does rhyming. unless i'm using the words silver, purple, orange, or month. then rhyming doesn't really work for me.
moving on...
says = Dayaks ... ok, there again, I don't even know W, or who, TF that is. i'm beginning to feel like an illiterate member of the english-speaking world, with a gaspingly substandard grasp of kindergarten vocabulary. and i'm beginning to think apple hired anthropologists as programmers. on the upside, if i can spare the time or memory (human, not computer), these little annoyances may make me a bit more worldly. perhaps it's apple's pretentious little plot.
remembered = renegades ...if you know me, or even if you don't, i'm telling you now... i have a HORRIBLE memory. and i'm not involved with any guerilla warfare or coups, that i know of or that i can remember. you do the math on that usage.
october = lilting ...it's october. and although i do love accents, IT'S OCTOBER! (at the time of this post)
that = thy ...methinks some shakespearian shit of bull shall henceforth follow. wherefore? because i decree *flourish* (trumpet and otherwise)
forgot = Dorothy ...i don't think i've ever typed "dorothy" on miPhone, unless I'm a gay man in a dissociative state. oh wait...maybe that explains it... i'm actually a really gay, pretentious, worldly, well-read anthropologist (with a sub-specialty in linguistics) who is plotting to take over the world.
so all of those are actually now justified, with the exception of....
Vollege = village ...What's vollege you ask? A typo of college. But instead of miPhone realizing that just changing one letter---the one right next to it-- it would like to change 2 others. and because I don't have stumpy snausage fingers, I won't ever hit E and mean A.
to end on a positive note, one thing i'm glad that apple fixed in an update... it would previously auto-correct lol to LOL. and rarely do i think something is that funny. (except everything i have, or will ever, say)
<3 jennifer
(just to be clear... that's an ice cream cone, not a heart...or i guess it could be a fat-ass naked person bending over--with his/her feet together, obviously. but it's an ice cream cone...of which, if i eat many and take off my clothes and bend over to pick up some ice cream that probably fell off my cone from the forceful consumption of said cone, i guess it could then be me. but it's not. it's an ice cream cone.)
the end (for now)
so i have an iPhone. i call it miPhone. because it's mine. i should really call it a little bastard because the auto-correct feature is the supreme ruler of The Land of Obscure Words that i, and likely a vast majority of the population, would never type (on a phone--or elsewhere, for that matter).
below are some examples of words that i want to have appear on my screen, juxtaposed with the actual words i, invariably, don't notice are there until after i hit send.
below you'll find only limited examples, as i only recently started documenting them. so these are merely the tip of the iCeburg.
by all means, feel free to add your own experiences! i encourage it, even! (apparently emphatically so !!!!!!)
format: desired words = dumbass iPhone interpretation. ...followed by subsequent commentage.
don't even = font ben... i tend to write in font new times roman. what is this font tho, cambria? i don't even know if there is a font ben. or should i say, "i font ben know if there is a font ben."
that's = Rhys ... there's another thing i don't know... W, or who, TF is Rhys? apparently Rhys and Steve Jobs must be very tight because Mr. Jobs must think everyone is talking about Rhys. That is (aka that's) to say...actually i forgot what that was going to say... i just thought i'd make the point that i'm waaaay more likely to marry that + is in holy grammatrimony than i am to reference a person i've never heard of (i looked it up. now i feel under-educated and under-read.) i am also waaay more likely to make up super-awesome words and use them in new and fun ways. the only word i know that would be close to that is "Reye's". and i actually might use that more than the average person because i'm a medical geek. and it's a syndrome.
and while writing that last blurb, i realized i am now torn about my vehement opposition to using capital letters at appropriate, or even inappropriate, times. ok, maybe it's not vehement opposition; it's just laziness. what do you think? do capital letters land better on your eyeballs? (and quickly onto your retina, where it's sucked thru your optic nerve and onto, and into, your brain) oh god, my whole world is shattering. Please give me direction. As a sidebar, i won't take direction on my placement of the period outside of the quotation marks (as seen in "Reye's".) if i'm not mistaken, that would be correct in britainland. and that's english as english can be. so it works for me. so does rhyming. unless i'm using the words silver, purple, orange, or month. then rhyming doesn't really work for me.
moving on...
says = Dayaks ... ok, there again, I don't even know W, or who, TF that is. i'm beginning to feel like an illiterate member of the english-speaking world, with a gaspingly substandard grasp of kindergarten vocabulary. and i'm beginning to think apple hired anthropologists as programmers. on the upside, if i can spare the time or memory (human, not computer), these little annoyances may make me a bit more worldly. perhaps it's apple's pretentious little plot.
remembered = renegades ...if you know me, or even if you don't, i'm telling you now... i have a HORRIBLE memory. and i'm not involved with any guerilla warfare or coups, that i know of or that i can remember. you do the math on that usage.
october = lilting ...it's october. and although i do love accents, IT'S OCTOBER! (at the time of this post)
that = thy ...methinks some shakespearian shit of bull shall henceforth follow. wherefore? because i decree *flourish* (trumpet and otherwise)
forgot = Dorothy ...i don't think i've ever typed "dorothy" on miPhone, unless I'm a gay man in a dissociative state. oh wait...maybe that explains it... i'm actually a really gay, pretentious, worldly, well-read anthropologist (with a sub-specialty in linguistics) who is plotting to take over the world.
so all of those are actually now justified, with the exception of....
Vollege = village ...What's vollege you ask? A typo of college. But instead of miPhone realizing that just changing one letter---the one right next to it-- it would like to change 2 others. and because I don't have stumpy snausage fingers, I won't ever hit E and mean A.
to end on a positive note, one thing i'm glad that apple fixed in an update... it would previously auto-correct lol to LOL. and rarely do i think something is that funny. (except everything i have, or will ever, say)
<3 jennifer
(just to be clear... that's an ice cream cone, not a heart...or i guess it could be a fat-ass naked person bending over--with his/her feet together, obviously. but it's an ice cream cone...of which, if i eat many and take off my clothes and bend over to pick up some ice cream that probably fell off my cone from the forceful consumption of said cone, i guess it could then be me. but it's not. it's an ice cream cone.)
the end (for now)
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