Tuesday, July 27, 2010

high fructose corn syrup has competition

you've seen those stupid propaganda high fructose corn syrup commercials. (and if you haven't, now's the time to youtube it)

now watch this:

ps...we also have a youtube channel for you to subscribe to :) ...hint hint hint... code: make us famous.


proofread you're postS, idi ot1

ok, i'm sorry.  i was in a hurry.  i just trusted my innate expert typing and grammar abilities.  that's where i always go wrong.  i should never trust myself.  especially with wheeled and/or sharp objects.  and definitely NOT sharp objects while on wheeled objects.

so i left out some commas.  and maybe an extra space and who knows what else.  maybe you.  (maybe you know, not maybe i left you out.  i'm guessing i probably did leave you out.  it's very like me.  i'm abscent-minded like that.)

and i left out my trademark signature.  well, it's not really a trademark.  i haven't done it enough for it to be. i guess i was trying to start a trend with myself.  and it's nothing cool.  just something to say "--jennifer" wrote this, not elana.  ...just in case you need to know who to personally attack. ...please don't we're sensitive... and we know where you live.  or at least we can find you.  ...i just can't find that damned blind faith  --- see first post ever.

and i know i pretty much type in all lower case.  it's on purpose and for a reason that i will later expand upon in a later post (jennifer, resist the temptation to do it now!)... my use of the word later was redundant. no, i'm not a huge fan of the delete button... or of proofreading, apparently.

well... for somebody who is supposedly in such a hurry, i sure am killing my time with this.

yes, i'm killing it with a spoon.  i figured that'd be a much worse way to die. NO MERCY!!! and then you can eat ice cream after.

an acknowledgement for the observant: yes, i put on cookie monster pants.  here's a better look:


perhaps i led you to believe that i was going to snack on ice cream.  sorry to disappoint.  the granola bar jumped into my arms.  and it has chocolate.  so i said yes.  besides, it's seemed so excited.

so i was excited.  but felt a little bad, so i couldn't look it in it's little dark chocolate eyes.

i should've known that it had already accepted its fate as my snack and, in fact, embraced it.  i think it was offended when didn't look at it, so it catapulted two kamikaze chocolate chips to the ground.

i learned my lesson.  then we had a great time!

maybe i crossed a line with the kiss.  because then it tossed chocolate chip into my elbow.

screw you, granola bar.  then i ate the chocolate chip.  then i ate the rest of it.  then i was sad i yelled at it, because i, and my stomach, instantly mourned the loss.

all good things...well, it wasn't good, it was kind of defiant and snotty and rebellious.... all delicious things must come to an end.  even people. so back to this!

wait, that's not how i type. that would take me forever and a day.  wtf does that phrase mean.  if it's forever... all the days are included.  stupid blind faith probably came up with that one.  they should call her blind and dumb faith.  yes, i know that means mute... she needs to be. she needs to shut her blind ass up and stop saying stupid things that make no sense.

ok, now back to this.  really.

and by now i could've either seen if there's a way to edit posts once posted, or just said fuck it and hope people are so overwhelmed by my verbosity that they were just scanning and my mistakes didn't even register.  but no, i did this.  and now you've probably forgotten what this post was originally about, which is that i should proofread before posting and not forget this:


Savior Post II, OR, Post 2: the savior post.

Weeee I have a blog!

i mean we.  WE have a blog.  elana is my other half -- of this comedy duo -- we're not like conjoined twins or anything...  but she wasn't around to take fun pictures, and i'm not about to try to photoshop her ass into mine.  

also, i realized that the title implies that there was a "savior post"  as in savior post, the original.  or if english is your first language or you don't work as an index writer or general filer...  the original savior post.  aka savior post 1. 

so i should rename it:  Post 2, the savior post... yeah i think i'll do that.  maybe i'll pretend i'm edward albee and put "or" in it.

please subscribe and give my life meaninng.  

LOVE ME!!!!!

Oh the pressure!!!

after a while of technical difficulties (read: i'm technologically challenged), i'm attacking the blog head on! i  didn't check the crash test ratings or anything, but that's what blind faith is for, i reckon.

and i'm assuming that phrase pertains to someone actually named "faith" and she's visually impaired but still has so much of a purpose that there's a cliche about her.  hope she lives up to her reputation.  how do i find her?  do you think i need an appointment?  she seems pretty well-known...

so now what?  this is the first post.  that's a lot of pressure.  it's how we, the free range females, are introducing ourselves to the world... oh god, first impressions are everything!  what if i screw it up?!  what do i say?  oh god, i can't handle this!

i'll just hurry and post something after this.  oh god, the time!  i have to go somewhere!  i'm a horrible procrastinator, and i've finally gotten around to doing this and i'm fucking it all up, fucking it all up, i tell you!

ok ok ok... i'll just post something, anything.  that will divert attention from this post onto the next.  that way, there's less pressure.  i said LESS.  oh wait... oh god... i've just placed so much weight on that second post.  it has to be the savior of this blog!  it's like having a second child because you popped out the wrong gender.  and you'd really better have a boy this time or else that's just one more mouth to resent and feed and yell at that there's starving children all over the world (but not in the jolie-pitt household).

oh i can't take this, get me out of here!

oh no!! 3rd floor!! life's worth living!

oh wait...that angle makes my ass look huge.  how 'bout now?

ah! get away!